Sometimes I envision the huge conglomeration of politicians in Washington staring and drooling over a large machine with two buttons on it. They squirm and bicker like little children about which one should be pushed or who should get to push it next. The buttons, you ask? One says, "Take their money" and the other one says, "Take their property." No matter which one they press, they know they cannot lose.

They are so enamored with this machine that they cannot fixate on anything else. These bureaucrats will go to great lengths and talk endlessly about adding new buttons but they realize that these two buttons will always suffice. They would like to add the button, "Tell them what to do," but they realize that this is inherent in taking money and property. You can’t take what isn’t yours without doing plenty of convincing first. Nor can you take what isn’t yours without some sort of distraction to make people look the other way or ignore it altogether.

The distractions? Marriage comes to mind. I can’t take two steps without hearing about marriage rights. Why people think that a government is responsible for, or capable of, issuing them is beyond me. Voting for a dictator President is the most detestable of political decoys. When people think that voting for one man to rule the world is worthy of attention, having money and property taken away is not really that pressing unless the wrecking ball or a pack of federal agents is staring at your front porch.

"Who are you voting for?!!" is rambled off by many as if the President was a prom queen. Personally, I can’t decide if I would rather watch TV or vote for a king to oppress me. Well, since the government controls both TV and Presidential campaigns, I guess I’d have to flip a coin (one issued by the Federal Reserve, of course).

A hot button issue during an election year is never about reducing government. At the most, it is mentioned in passing to tickle our ears. Minimizing government is scoffed at and ridiculed because very few think it is possible or have near heart attacks thinking about what an anarchist caldron of death our society would become. There is really no proof to this emotional argument, however. People kill regardless of how big our federal forces get.

If anything, the government promotes death, both literally and figuratively speaking. As long as they are in control, they show no signs of caring about our well-being. The immense size of Washington promotes its own protection. If they have to kill you to do it, they will not hesitate. They don’t even need a warrant anymore. They can just call you a terrorist or claim to smell marijuana and they’re in like flint. Your individual rights trample on their "federal entitlements" to reign, confiscate, and pummel what you have taken most of your life to obtain and protect. That’s a hot button issue if I ever heard one.

So they keep pressing buttons. Push this button, clear this residential land for a new subsidized business. Push that button, spend money to invade a third-world country. Press this button, raise taxes for a new recreation center. And on and on. The button pushing never ends. It’s enough to make an elevator attendant blush.

So instead of continuing with my cutesy barrage of federal insults, what can be done about it? For one thing, we can stop voting for a President. Many of my constituents will disagree wholeheartedly with me on this one, but even a libertarian candidate is too human not to become corrupted by all the power and wealth that is laid down at the President’s feet. The kind of worship that a President is showered with is too much for the human heart to resist. Humans love power, money, and lots of attention. I say we get rid of the King of the American colonies as a result because he can obtain any of these riches through force and we all know that force never works.

Is this too radical? Maybe, but America was born on radicalism and it eventually resulted in freedom from the British monarchy. Why should an American monarchy be any different? Any political platform needs support and if it cannot build faith in its followers, it is bound to fail. The Berlin Wall crumbled once Germans finally realized that the government was the one who put it there. Contrary to what the media hounds say, Spain’s former government was not voted out by terrorism this past week, though this probably put the last nail in the coffin.

Public opinion takes time to change and Spain was no different. One terrorist attack doesn’t change a political platform like we think it does; it may be the final straw but it never initiates what the sickos who partake in it hope for. America is not exempt from this either. It has taken most of us quite some time to realize that this war on terrorism is really a war on our individual rights. Unfortunately, people just stick one dictator in after another. We keep thinking someone, instead of something, different will make things change. Low voter turn-out in Russia got Vladimir Putin back into power because there are enough people that still think a centralized government works. Some of us are doing the same thing by jumping on the John Kerry bandwagon. Or we rally harder behind President Bush. Or we support a third-party candidate.

If federal force doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, no matter how many privileged white males we insert into slot A. The President is a fraudulent position whether it is here in America or half a world away in Russia. A President by any name causes nothing but death and suffering—and plenty of unjust taxes to boot.

When will we learn that politicians do nothing but press the same buttons over and over again? When will we learn that government must barely be relevant for us to have freedom? When will we learn that the hot button issues that Presidents get us all worked up about are mere carrot sticks dangling in front of us? When will we learn that we, as individuals, own our lives and can no longer allow the bullies of the State to determine which buttons they can push so that they can control us like slaves? That is for each one of us to answer.